I was so happy today! Let me tell you about my day!
I was walking happily along the park. I saw children playing and lovers of course. They were smooching and kissing and oh what a lovely sight. They were giving me these friendly nods like we were already friends! What delightful creatures! There were old people just enjoying the view and watching the sunset and it just brought a smile to my face. It was a perfect day where everything was in order.
I took my machine gun and fired at everybody! They were screaming and shouting in pain! There were blood everywhere and they would just beg for me to stop. But of course I didn’t! I wouldn’t want to waste these beautiful day right? Everyone was running around, trying to save their lives! It was like conducting my own orchestra! What a masterpiece.
Well, after the bullets for my machine gun went empty, I had to stop. I was sad but quite content with my work. Oh well, I can always go back anytime! I wonder which park I would go to next. I wish there were more children!
Death came to offer his peace
But I refuse, the fuck is this?
I would rather fade softly and quietly
Than carry the weight of my misery
Its never solemn, it seldom is
But honesty is my catharsis
Bludgering mess of a human I am
Blame me? Blame you? Blame fucking them!
Oh I know you do not understand
Who, for fucks sake, really can?
Wallowing in your shit, ain’t you?
Dont worry, none of these is true
It is so depressing when you think about meaning of life and everything that revolves around you. The more you search for reasons and purpose, the more you see the irrationality of things. Of course there is no purpose. I know that. But I was hoping I’m wrong just so I can make up false hope that someday I will do the things I am supposed to do. It is so sad just thinking about how no one cares what you do in your life because you don’t matter. Even when I’m writing this, all that is running in my head is even though someone might read this and waste their time reading about some random loser in the internet babbling about his non-sense, they’ll forget about this after a few days. No one will remember me not because they don’t give a shit about me. They’ll forget me because that’s what people do. They forget.
And that’s just sad. It’s so sad to know that I am sad and there’s nothing I can do about it but just go through it. I wish there’s some button where I can just press it anytime I feel sad and then I’ll go to sleep and wake up only if I’m feeling happy. But it makes me sad that there’s no such button. It makes me depress that I think of impossible solutions to my problem because there is no possible solutions available to remedy it.
One thing that makes me sad is when I see a girl I really like in the move or in t.v. or in youtube and I know I won’t ever have a chance to meet her in person and even if I did, there is absolutely no chance she’ll take notice of me. I hate it that there’s nothing within my power that I can do to change that fact. I am stuck on the other side of the screen infatuating. And that makes me sad. When you look at the screen and you see a girl you like and get to know her and ask her out on a date and marry her but you know that life prevents you from doing that. Because I don’t matter enough to be given a chance to talk to that girl. And it depresses me to no end just by thinking about it.
You know what else is sad. The fact that no one will read this. And this will be just another crappy blog post that no one will ever get to read. Because no one really gives a shit about other people’s problem. Especially if they’re just some kind of creepy paranoia. And it makes me so fucking sad.