Tag Archives: Thoughts

So bored, can’t even think of a title.

X: I am so bored.

X: Shit. I don’t have anything to do.

X: I might as well sleep all day. This is so frustrating.

X: The sun is shining so bright, but I don’t want to go outside. I am goddamn useless.

X: The bed… Its so warm…  The bed….. I will never part with you.

X: Damn. Might as well write something useful.

X: I can’t think of a effing topic.

X: I don’t even know how to pronounce rendezvous right. Im an idiot.

X: Who in the right mind would like to read about bats flying in my room. 

X: Fuck it. They don’t even know my name. I’ll write for no one but myself.

X: AHHHHHH. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!

X: I wish I live for about a trillion years.

X: I am so thirsty. And I have to pee so bad. I’ll do both at the same time.

X: I have never seen a chicken having sex. Nor cockroaches. Nor Lizards. Fuck.

X: What would I do after college? I’d probably die of starvation because I don’t know how to do anything. I am so fucked.

X: minesweeper. So I just press random button rights? WTF. Why did I die? How the hell am I supposed to know if there is a bomb there. Fucking ridiculous game.

X: What does an electric fan taste like? I have never seen someone eat an electric fan. I wonder why.

X: goddamnit. Why the hell does Tarzan cover his private parts? Where did that idea come from? His mother ape? Jesus Christ.

X: I still don’t know how to kill a mockingbird. The book wasn’t really helpful. At all. 

X: How the hell did I win the sperm race? I can’t even jog 30 seconds straight.

X: what the hell am I writing

X: I’ve lost it haven’t I?

X: I don’t even know how to end this blog post.

X: Wait I got it.

X: Stop.

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The feeling of not feeling.

We have different opinions when it comes to feelings. I mean, sure we like to feel excited and happy and jolly all the time but the truth is, that is not always the case. We live in a world of contradiction where the positive cannot exist without the negative and vice versa so it all comes down to which emotion dominates within you throughout the day. Its the constant tug of war that people face from time to time to determine their state of mind. Bottomline, feelings or emotions are just a roll of a dice.

You may argue with me and say that the things we are feeling are caused by different circumstances and situations. That its not probability but rather a reaction. You are right. We just simply react to the situations we’re in and we decide how we react at a given moment by choosing what emotions we will entertain. But remember, we can’t choose our situation. We think that we have power over destiny but in reality, we are helpless. We end up where fate want us to be. And thats what makes our emotions random.

There is no denying, feelings are essential to our being. I mean what seperates us humans from animals is our empathy (aside from common sense, of course). We feel our conscience talking to us and in order to quiet down that inner voice, we visit the realm of morality. What are our morals? What is the very core of our humanity that defines our very existence? It varies from people to people and it is the most basic building block of our character. What may seem morally right to me may seem sinful and tragic to some. And the fine line that binds us together as one functional society despite our different opinions and perceptions are laws. Laws that neither dictates what is right nor what is wrong but rather enumerates the necessary behaviors the citizens must comply with in order to avoid chaos and live a civil life.

But enough of that. What is it really like to lose feelings? What if I never get hurt? Will it satisfy me? But I wouldn’t feel pleasure too, I bet. Heck, I wouldnt even try to move in my entire existence. I would just froze and wait for myself to die from hunger or thirst. It wont matter to me, because Im deprived of feelings. And the thought of that terrified me so much that Im thankful to the heavens I feel sadness. Its what drives me. Its what motivates me. To be happy. Even if feelings to the extreme end of a spectrum can drive a man insane. Better insane than lifeless.

Oh well Im feeling sleepy now. Imagine if I dont feel tired and sleepy. I can write a million blog everyday and I wouldnt even blink. Huh. I guess grass is always greener on the other side.

And the Night Layed Perfectly Still

I’m always nauseated by my thoughts. Its always murmuring things and ideas in my head that sometimes I wish they would all go away. Its not that I hate thinking, but during the course of the night, it is very hard to fall asleep when your brain repeatedly tries to suffocate you with random bullshits. Its a mundane tasks, trying to tame your brain.

I dont think Im a smart man. Hell, Im average at best. But I like expressing my feelings here because why not? I dont even know if someone is sane enough to read some of my blogs and even if they do, I dont think they care enough to judge me. In this place, I have a mask. I can say whatever the hell I like and no one will bat an eye. Not even you.

I dont hate hipocrisy. I mean I dislike the idea but overall, I think its an essential human trait. If you want to function properly in this society, you must be a hypocrite. You have to talk to people you dislike, obey the laws you dont agree with, get a job you really hate and act sane all the time. When I say sane, I mean the standard society expects from you because thats how the world works. Keeping up with expectations.

I once asked myself, what is happiness? Is it the absence of sadness? Then I realized, no. Sadness is an important ingredient to attain happiness. I mean if you are happy, you can’t become happier. There is no degree of happiness. If you are happy, then thats the happiest emotion you’ll ever attain. But if you are sad, you have a goal. You have to overcome sadness because thats how happiness works. The contrast between sadness and happiness is what makes as euphoric. The sadder we are, the higher our euphoria. 

Im sorry, I know it doesnt make a lot of sense. I apologize on behalf of my brain. He is a very ill-mannered guy. Don’t bother with his nonsense.

God

Who is God? For thousand of years we stumble upon this very question and fail to acquire a precise answer. It is a necessary knowledge that ironically divides the human population into specific groups that we call religions. We have different versions and theories but a theory without a concrete evidence is as good as fiction. We tried gathering artifacts, testimonies, books, documents, just to feed our mind that our belief is superior among the others. But these proofs are not enough because in order to prove God, we have to experience God. And God is not an easy being to experience. 
After failing to present God through evidences, we were left with no choice but to prove God the best way a human can: Violence. Our reasoning was of course, what kind of God would reside with the weakest religion? History is written by the victor after all. So war between religions ensues and up until now, its still an ongoing debacle.
But perhaps the reason we can’t prove who God really is, is because we are asking the wrong question. Rather than asking who is God, maybe its better to ask what is God. So, what is God? If we dissect the essence of an omnipotent being and compress it down to its basicality, then God is simply, nothing. Yes, nothing.
Think about it. Nothing is everywhere and anywhere at the same time. Nothing can be right and wrong at the same time. Nothing can be precise and erroneous at the same time. But God. The totality of the universe, its laws and physics, its flaws and errors, its beauty and elegance, every contradictions in the Universe equates perfectly to our human definition of a God and Nothingness.
Im not saying that God doesnt exist. All Im saying is we are gravely mistaken if we classify Him in terms of human morals. We cannot present God based on values we perceived as right and let Him embody every traits we find just. Instead think of God as randomness. We may think that everything that is happening to us is random and uncontrollable, which is true. We cannot control certain aspects of life. But the randomness of things obey a certain set of rules of this universe: gravity, matter, energy, etc. They are random only to the extent of these set of rules, meaning randomness is still operating within the laws of the universe. And the human mind is just too weak to calculate the precise outcome of a random occurence so we decided to give it another name. Fate. And we will continue to believe in fate till our mind can succesfully calculate complex probabilities and end our life-long dependance to chance.
So what is God? God is the result of the accumulation of questions we humans fail to answer because of the tremendous limitations in our knowledge. He is nothing; a void we created to entertain our ideas and illusions, perpetuating eternally to our psyche. As long as our minds continues to have questions and doubt, God will exist.

The Mask We Wear

Are you afraid of the society? Are you afraid of its prejudices and biases? You are its victim, its prey, yet you succumb to his mutterings and obvious deceits. It offers you madness which you swallow whole-heartedly and you go through your day as if there is nothing wrong. You try to look at other people’s faces, but you fail to distinguish the truth. They are wearing masks to hide their hideousness and so they laugh at you for failing to wear one. But you know better. You are this deformed, ugly entity but thats okay. Its exhausting to be fake and to be normal, to be living on everybody’s approval except your own. 
Its time to let go of the mask. 
Show the world how mutilated and deranged you really are.