Tag Archives: sad

Garbage

I love you

That’s why I left you

Cos you will never be happy

As long as you’re with me
I am a tragedy

A walkin catastrophy

A ticking time bomb

A death wish
I’m so happy I broke your heart

Because I know you’ll loathe me

And I’m fine with that my dear

As long as you dont see my decay
Those tears you cried for me

The curses you shouted at me

Its a melody to my ear

Cos I know you had enough
Please hate me forever

Don’t ever think of coming back

I’ll just rot here in darkness

And turn into naught

True Love

Where are you?

Ive been looking forever, you know.

Are you hiding?

I really doubt it.

Do you know how much time is already wasted?

Or maybe you just don’t care.

You are not the one looking, so its basically not your problem.

Your job is just to exist.

And mine is to find you.

Which is kind of sad.

Because I don’t know how to find you.

Or I don’t know.

Maybe I won’t find you.

Like ever.

Because maybe you don’t exist.

I am just pretending you do.

Hoping desperately.

Because being lonely sucks.

Life is kind of sad, you know.

You’d know that, if you exist.

But even if you don’t.

I wouldn’t know.

I’ll just keep searching.

And searching.

And searching.

And nothing else would matter.

Except finding you.

In this void.

In this time.

In this emptiness.

A Happy Day at the Park!

I was so happy today! Let me tell you about my day!

I was walking happily along the park. I saw children playing and lovers of course. They were smooching and kissing and oh what a lovely sight. They were giving me these friendly nods like we were already friends! What delightful creatures! There were old people just enjoying the view and watching the sunset and it just brought a smile to my face. It was a perfect day where everything was  in order.

I took my machine gun and fired at everybody! They were screaming and shouting in pain! There were blood everywhere and they would just beg for me to stop. But of course I didn’t! I wouldn’t want to waste these beautiful day right? Everyone was running around, trying to save their lives! It was like conducting my own orchestra! What a masterpiece. 

Well, after the bullets for my machine gun went empty, I had to stop. I was sad but quite content with my work. Oh well, I can always go back anytime!  I wonder which park I would go to next. I wish there were more children! 

Humor Me With Tragedy

Death came to offer his peace

But I refuse, the fuck is this?

I would rather fade softly and quietly

Than carry the weight of my misery
Its never solemn, it seldom is

But honesty is my catharsis

Bludgering mess of a human I am

Blame me? Blame you? Blame fucking them!
Oh I know you do not understand

Who, for fucks sake, really can?

Wallowing in your shit, ain’t you?

Dont worry, none of these is true
Oh wait

Please stop

Dont’t go

I’ll fade

Goodbye

I am begging you to not read this blog post. Please.

Well, you are blind. You walk down the street and you heard a noise. It is a weird sound, to be completely honest, and a very alarming one. You are essentially shocked, like all the normal people’s reaction, and you just get the hell out of the place. But obviously, the problem is you cannot run as this may seem dangerously stupid to do for someone as blind as you. So you walk briskly but very carefully away from the source of the noise. You don’t think the sound is that dangerous but it won’t hurt to be cautious. Besides, you heard people screaming. Screaming is a sign of trouble, isn’t it?

Good logical reasoning, except one thing. You are dumb as fuck. You are as stupid as your neighbor’s dog. So instead of going away, you go towards the noise. Which is what all dumb fucks would do.  But the weird thing is the closer you get to the noise, the more quiet the sound gets. Which is so not shocking, because the fool that you are has no sense of direction. You have no idea how to go towards the sound. Which is fortunate because the sound you are hearing is actually an alien invasion.

And so the aliens are actually invading the earth because why the hell not? They are superior compared to us in all aspects so what the hell could they actually gain for colonizing this pain-stakingly awkward blue ball of dust out of nowhere in the galaxy? Well, none to be honest. But for the sake of me not having an actual plot device to actually make sense, then let us fucking have an alien invasion.

And so………… (at this point, I ran out of ideas to keep this blog post going so I’ll just end it abruptly and suddenly)

If you really want to hear about it.

I am very sad these past few days. I don’t know why. It’s just these random episodes of melancholic bursts and impulses that puts me in a lousy shape. You see people around you and you see through them. They are all trying to get by and you just watch them with such hatred and jealousy. Its not normal to not want to be normal but sometimes its a curse to be someone who tries to act so differently just to prove how unique you are as an individual. But its irritating to confess that I am not in the place I wanted to be and I don’t even know where I want to be. Its a maddening thing trying to figure your life out.  One moment you are just tagging along the flow of the universe and the next thing you know, you are commanding your own ship. How the hell did I end up here?

The thing is, people do not really care about other people. Let us admit it. No one in the whole freaking universe cares about other people. They may look like they care, but its just a social responsibility to act curious or concerned. And that is so fucking depressing, knowing that people doesnt really seem to give a shit. They say affectionate bullshits to someone and you know and feel that they do not mean a single word. Holy mother of..

You roam around facebook and all you see is  I love you, I love this, True Love, destiny, feelings. Motherfucker. That is the phoniest thing. And it is very disappointing that I cannot relate to that. Why can’t I fucking relate to love. Oh right. Because it is so phony. I can see through people posting this shit on facebook and I want to believe that they mean it but I fucking can’t. It disgusts me. People are trying to romanticize everything to the point where it blurs the line of emotions and love. If it interests you just a little bit, its supposed to be love? motherfucking God. 

Believe me, I dont want to whine. I want to relate to everybody but I just cant seem to find a way. Everybody just wants to outsmart everybody. That is so fucking depressing down to the last bone of my freaking body.

Yeah. You just read through that post. Judge me.

My favorite movie quotes

These are my top 5 movie quotes of all time. They deeply affected me emotionally and some of them just made me question my existence and reality of things. They are in no particular order because honestly, I don’t believe in favorite movies. They all touch you in different ways.

1.) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

“You said “so go” with such disdain, you know?”

If you haven’t watched Eternal Sunshine, please stop reading this piece of shit and go watch it. Seriously. And bring a barrel of tissues. And to those who had watched it, then you know what part of the movie this quotes was taken. I like this line very much because it is so sincere, its so honest and so regretful. The delivery of Jim Carrey was so raw that I feel so much discomfort during the dream sequence. Very, very good film.

2.) The Matrix

“What is real? How do you define real? If you’re talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.”

This line punched me in the brain because it makes a lot of sense. We believe the world is real because our brain tells us that it is. But how do we know that our brain is not being stimulated by high technology aliens? Damn. Guess we’ll never know? We’ll just eait for someone to unplug us from the matrix.

3.) Bruce Almighty

“Parting your soup is not a miracle, Bruce, it’s a magic trick. A single mom who’s working two jobs, and still finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that’s a miracle. A teenager who says “no” to drugs and “yes” to an education, that’s a miracle. People want Me to do everything for them, but what they don’t realize is, they have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle.”

Yeah, Bruce Almighty is all fun. But this quote is so inspirstional, you know? Like someone successful was telling his rags-to-riches story in front of the audience. I don’t know why. I love this one. It makes me think how I always expect God to do everything for me.

4.) Memento

“So you lie to yourself to be happy, there’s nothing wrong with that. We all do it.”

The ever forgetful Leonard Shelby. I like this quote because it is so applicable to everyone, we lie about everything to ease our pain and I agree. Lying for self-contentment is not necessarily bad. It is bad if you do it everytime and it slowly becomes a delusion but everything that is too much is bad, anyway. 

5.) Lost in Translation

“The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you.”

This movie is so subtle. The title, the dialogue, the actions, the WHISPHER. The freaking whisper at the end. Yeah, this is a very good existentialism film. The way I see it at least. It is a very boring looking movie because it is about the dull moments of life and I appreciate the alienation thing with the Japanese culture. The quote above summarizes the movie for me;p and generally, my life. I watched the movie on the period of my life where I was just.. lost. Spiritually and emotionally detached from myself. So this film was literally my bestfriend back then. What a nerd I am.

So bored, can’t even think of a title.

X: I am so bored.

X: Shit. I don’t have anything to do.

X: I might as well sleep all day. This is so frustrating.

X: The sun is shining so bright, but I don’t want to go outside. I am goddamn useless.

X: The bed… Its so warm…  The bed….. I will never part with you.

X: Damn. Might as well write something useful.

X: I can’t think of a effing topic.

X: I don’t even know how to pronounce rendezvous right. Im an idiot.

X: Who in the right mind would like to read about bats flying in my room. 

X: Fuck it. They don’t even know my name. I’ll write for no one but myself.

X: AHHHHHH. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!

X: I wish I live for about a trillion years.

X: I am so thirsty. And I have to pee so bad. I’ll do both at the same time.

X: I have never seen a chicken having sex. Nor cockroaches. Nor Lizards. Fuck.

X: What would I do after college? I’d probably die of starvation because I don’t know how to do anything. I am so fucked.

X: minesweeper. So I just press random button rights? WTF. Why did I die? How the hell am I supposed to know if there is a bomb there. Fucking ridiculous game.

X: What does an electric fan taste like? I have never seen someone eat an electric fan. I wonder why.

X: goddamnit. Why the hell does Tarzan cover his private parts? Where did that idea come from? His mother ape? Jesus Christ.

X: I still don’t know how to kill a mockingbird. The book wasn’t really helpful. At all. 

X: How the hell did I win the sperm race? I can’t even jog 30 seconds straight.

X: what the hell am I writing

X: I’ve lost it haven’t I?

X: I don’t even know how to end this blog post.

X: Wait I got it.

X: Stop.

The feeling of not feeling.

We have different opinions when it comes to feelings. I mean, sure we like to feel excited and happy and jolly all the time but the truth is, that is not always the case. We live in a world of contradiction where the positive cannot exist without the negative and vice versa so it all comes down to which emotion dominates within you throughout the day. Its the constant tug of war that people face from time to time to determine their state of mind. Bottomline, feelings or emotions are just a roll of a dice.

You may argue with me and say that the things we are feeling are caused by different circumstances and situations. That its not probability but rather a reaction. You are right. We just simply react to the situations we’re in and we decide how we react at a given moment by choosing what emotions we will entertain. But remember, we can’t choose our situation. We think that we have power over destiny but in reality, we are helpless. We end up where fate want us to be. And thats what makes our emotions random.

There is no denying, feelings are essential to our being. I mean what seperates us humans from animals is our empathy (aside from common sense, of course). We feel our conscience talking to us and in order to quiet down that inner voice, we visit the realm of morality. What are our morals? What is the very core of our humanity that defines our very existence? It varies from people to people and it is the most basic building block of our character. What may seem morally right to me may seem sinful and tragic to some. And the fine line that binds us together as one functional society despite our different opinions and perceptions are laws. Laws that neither dictates what is right nor what is wrong but rather enumerates the necessary behaviors the citizens must comply with in order to avoid chaos and live a civil life.

But enough of that. What is it really like to lose feelings? What if I never get hurt? Will it satisfy me? But I wouldn’t feel pleasure too, I bet. Heck, I wouldnt even try to move in my entire existence. I would just froze and wait for myself to die from hunger or thirst. It wont matter to me, because Im deprived of feelings. And the thought of that terrified me so much that Im thankful to the heavens I feel sadness. Its what drives me. Its what motivates me. To be happy. Even if feelings to the extreme end of a spectrum can drive a man insane. Better insane than lifeless.

Oh well Im feeling sleepy now. Imagine if I dont feel tired and sleepy. I can write a million blog everyday and I wouldnt even blink. Huh. I guess grass is always greener on the other side.