Tag Archives: Insomnia

Insomnia

I don’t really have an insomnia. This is just my subtle way of insulting the people who apparently cannot sleep for one night and goes blabbering about it on facebook because it’s cool I guess? Well, insomnia, for those of you who doesn’t know, is a sleep disorder that disables a person’s ability to sleep. Being unable to sleep for a night is not effing insomnia for the love of God people. I just think its moronic to announce to everyone that you are a nocturnal human being and you are like Batman or something. You look stupid. Believe me.

Well, I don’t really have anything interesting to say. Just can’t sleep.

#Insomnia

#Nocturnal

#NightOwl

#IOwnTheDarkness

I am begging you to not read this blog post. Please.

Well, you are blind. You walk down the street and you heard a noise. It is a weird sound, to be completely honest, and a very alarming one. You are essentially shocked, like all the normal people’s reaction, and you just get the hell out of the place. But obviously, the problem is you cannot run as this may seem dangerously stupid to do for someone as blind as you. So you walk briskly but very carefully away from the source of the noise. You don’t think the sound is that dangerous but it won’t hurt to be cautious. Besides, you heard people screaming. Screaming is a sign of trouble, isn’t it?

Good logical reasoning, except one thing. You are dumb as fuck. You are as stupid as your neighbor’s dog. So instead of going away, you go towards the noise. Which is what all dumb fucks would do.  But the weird thing is the closer you get to the noise, the more quiet the sound gets. Which is so not shocking, because the fool that you are has no sense of direction. You have no idea how to go towards the sound. Which is fortunate because the sound you are hearing is actually an alien invasion.

And so the aliens are actually invading the earth because why the hell not? They are superior compared to us in all aspects so what the hell could they actually gain for colonizing this pain-stakingly awkward blue ball of dust out of nowhere in the galaxy? Well, none to be honest. But for the sake of me not having an actual plot device to actually make sense, then let us fucking have an alien invasion.

And so………… (at this point, I ran out of ideas to keep this blog post going so I’ll just end it abruptly and suddenly)

Insufferable

And you see yourself tumbling down from your own thoughts, decaying slowly your state of mind as you descend to lunacy. You deprive yourself of social necessities and devote all your precious time devising a masterplan that enables you to get away with solitude. It is that insatiable thirst for isolation that drives you insane yet you try to piece together the reality you created. It is a ticking time bomb, an impeccable plan for self-destruction and desolation. It is fun. It is you.

And through the blinding darkness you search for meaning and purpose. As foolish as your desire to be lonely is your desire to change the world or at least create a dent. Two conflicting ideas fighting over your body like tug-of-war, only you are splitting in half and gradually returning to the limbo you tried to get out from.

The menacing nightmares begins to haunt you, laughing at your terrified murmurs. It is a deafening feeling created solely by you and you alone. Dissociate yourself from this world and the world dissociates from you. 

And the mind flickers its last light before finally giving in to the pitch black night.

So bored, can’t even think of a title.

X: I am so bored.

X: Shit. I don’t have anything to do.

X: I might as well sleep all day. This is so frustrating.

X: The sun is shining so bright, but I don’t want to go outside. I am goddamn useless.

X: The bed… Its so warm…  The bed….. I will never part with you.

X: Damn. Might as well write something useful.

X: I can’t think of a effing topic.

X: I don’t even know how to pronounce rendezvous right. Im an idiot.

X: Who in the right mind would like to read about bats flying in my room. 

X: Fuck it. They don’t even know my name. I’ll write for no one but myself.

X: AHHHHHH. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!

X: I wish I live for about a trillion years.

X: I am so thirsty. And I have to pee so bad. I’ll do both at the same time.

X: I have never seen a chicken having sex. Nor cockroaches. Nor Lizards. Fuck.

X: What would I do after college? I’d probably die of starvation because I don’t know how to do anything. I am so fucked.

X: minesweeper. So I just press random button rights? WTF. Why did I die? How the hell am I supposed to know if there is a bomb there. Fucking ridiculous game.

X: What does an electric fan taste like? I have never seen someone eat an electric fan. I wonder why.

X: goddamnit. Why the hell does Tarzan cover his private parts? Where did that idea come from? His mother ape? Jesus Christ.

X: I still don’t know how to kill a mockingbird. The book wasn’t really helpful. At all. 

X: How the hell did I win the sperm race? I can’t even jog 30 seconds straight.

X: what the hell am I writing

X: I’ve lost it haven’t I?

X: I don’t even know how to end this blog post.

X: Wait I got it.

X: Stop.

Whine Though

You look out the window. What do you see? Nothing. Its dark outside, its freezing cold and its scary. I dont get it. Why do I always look out the freaking window in the middle of the mothereffing night? Its like this compulsive thing, like I dont have any control with my body. i just have to peek the goddamn window every night before I go to sleep. I half expect to see a headless man greeting me hello and me unable to comply because Im sure I would have fainted the moment I see it.

It is so frustrating. I have no idea what the hell I am supposed to find or why. I stare and stare and stare and freeze myself to death but I still break my neck from extending it outside, hoping to see something I do not know what. But the other night, I did see something interesting. It was a bat flying aimlessly into the night and suddenly came rushing inside my room and before I knew it, I was running around the room like my life depended on it. I was running so crazy that I didnt even noticed that the bat wasn’t even chasing me. It was minding its own business, thinking what the hell was it doing there. While it was busy flapping its wings and trying to find an exit, I was getting ready to mutilate it with my freshly forged knife (I took it from the kitchen). 

But I looked at it one more freaking time and I didnt have the guts to kill it. It looked so helpless that I didnt even know why the hell I was about to kill it. I was afraid, because it was unusual. An unusual event happened and instead of being amused, I was scared as a fucking pussy. So I put the knife down, went towards the bat and held it without hesitation. It tried to break free but my grip was firmer. I was afraid it would bite me but I kinda had a feeling it wont. Not because I was a goddamn professional bat handler but rather because it knows that Im trying to help. I leaded its body towards the window and out he goes into the dark hole of the night. It was a fulfillinf feeling, being able to handle the situation.

After that night, I was able to sleep without looking out the window. The problem is, now I cant sleep without watching bat videos. Fucking mannerisms.

The feeling of not feeling.

We have different opinions when it comes to feelings. I mean, sure we like to feel excited and happy and jolly all the time but the truth is, that is not always the case. We live in a world of contradiction where the positive cannot exist without the negative and vice versa so it all comes down to which emotion dominates within you throughout the day. Its the constant tug of war that people face from time to time to determine their state of mind. Bottomline, feelings or emotions are just a roll of a dice.

You may argue with me and say that the things we are feeling are caused by different circumstances and situations. That its not probability but rather a reaction. You are right. We just simply react to the situations we’re in and we decide how we react at a given moment by choosing what emotions we will entertain. But remember, we can’t choose our situation. We think that we have power over destiny but in reality, we are helpless. We end up where fate want us to be. And thats what makes our emotions random.

There is no denying, feelings are essential to our being. I mean what seperates us humans from animals is our empathy (aside from common sense, of course). We feel our conscience talking to us and in order to quiet down that inner voice, we visit the realm of morality. What are our morals? What is the very core of our humanity that defines our very existence? It varies from people to people and it is the most basic building block of our character. What may seem morally right to me may seem sinful and tragic to some. And the fine line that binds us together as one functional society despite our different opinions and perceptions are laws. Laws that neither dictates what is right nor what is wrong but rather enumerates the necessary behaviors the citizens must comply with in order to avoid chaos and live a civil life.

But enough of that. What is it really like to lose feelings? What if I never get hurt? Will it satisfy me? But I wouldn’t feel pleasure too, I bet. Heck, I wouldnt even try to move in my entire existence. I would just froze and wait for myself to die from hunger or thirst. It wont matter to me, because Im deprived of feelings. And the thought of that terrified me so much that Im thankful to the heavens I feel sadness. Its what drives me. Its what motivates me. To be happy. Even if feelings to the extreme end of a spectrum can drive a man insane. Better insane than lifeless.

Oh well Im feeling sleepy now. Imagine if I dont feel tired and sleepy. I can write a million blog everyday and I wouldnt even blink. Huh. I guess grass is always greener on the other side.

“Insert Inspiring Title”

What the hell am I writing? I am supposed to be sleeping but I’m here, wasting my time in front of a computer screen and whining about how insomniac I am. Well, I am not really insomniac. I just thought it sounds cool when I say that I’m insomniac and you all reading this will think that I am this disturbed little teenager who is going through the stage where he hates everything.

The truth is, I don’t hate everything. I hate the fact that I don’t know what I’m supposed to be hating. I have this negative emotion stacked up inside of me and I don’t know to what or whom I should direct it to. The feeling I’m having, I can’t describe because it’s so immature and child-like that I feel almost embarrassed that I’m talking about it here. Its like trying to figure out the answer of the universe and getting depressed because you can’t get a definitive answer.

The truth is, I’m just prolonging what I’m writing as an excuse to write something. I don’t really have a lot to say really, I just want to ramble on words that don’t mean and hopes I deliver some kind of awe inspiring message to anyone in the right mind who will read this shit. If by any chance, you read up to this point of this blog post, you are so like me. You don’t have anything ¬†better to do so you make up some weird hobby and try to write like the goddamn Shakespeare and act smart but weird in the hopes that people will find you mysterious. You know its true. I don’t blame you. The only people who write blogs are either bored to death or just plain normal people. Guess which kind of people I am?

Anyway, I am gonna pack up these shit and try to conclude this the best way I know how. Like this.

Madness #1

So yeah, Im here staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, unable to sleep. So what do I do? I watch stuff from youtube and listen to ASMR but there are times when I literally cannot turn my mind off. Like right now.

Let me tell you a little bit about what goes on inside my mind. Its a bit strange, but what the hell do you expect from a site called Eki’s Madness

(The following content may weird you out, but I guess there’s no turning back now)

I always wondered what will happen if suddenly while Im typing here in the comfort of my room, one of my wall explodes and an enormous alien eyeball emerges from it. The eyeball has a big giant mouth at the center of the eye and it squirts a slimy green substance. It will try to get near me and suck my brains out because it only feeds on insomniac people’s brain. I will run quick, get my guitar and hit the eyeball as hard as I can until the green slimy substance gets all over my room. Of course, I will get some in my mouth and realize that it tastes sweet. It would taste like a green version of nutella but a lot tastier! Then I would get a bucket, collect all the slimy green substance and put it in the bucket and sell it to some factory that manufactures chocolates. The product will be named “Green Coco” and I will be the main supplier of the green slimy substance. I will attract more and more alien eyeballs by not sleeping and then bash them repeatedly until they give off their last drop of green slimy substance. I would be known as the richest man in the world and I would encourage people suffering from insomnia to be proud of their sickness because it would make them rich. They’ll make a statue of me when I die and I would be known in history as Father Coco. Everybody would be inspired by my story and will try to follow my footsteps by not sleeping. When all the humanity is diagnosed by insomnia, the Alien Eyeballs will colonize earth and eat every human alive. It’s their plan all along and they just used me to bait the people of the earth. The Alien Eyeballs win and everyone on earth is dead. Because of me. Damn. I should sleep now before the Alien Eyeball comes.

The end.