I have an “okay” relationship with God. I am not really fond of Him but I sort of believe that He exists. I have doubts, I admit, but I come to terms with it. I reasoned, if God is the almighty, all knowing, all powerful being, then someone as limited as a human being (like myself) shouldn’t be able to comprehend His existence. Why would I disprove the existence of an omnipotent being based on the five senses I have? Our evolutionary senses are unreliable when it comes to the spiritual aspect because we have the senses what we have only because we had to adapt to our nature.
Well, the bible on the other hand, for me, is either too metaphorical or unbelievably true. If you compare the scientific origin of the universe and lay it side by side with the bible’s version, the only way to make sense of the bible is to analyze it in a metaphorical way which is quite confusing. How am I supposed to know if something written in the bible is to be taken literally or not? Do I make my own interpretations?
I don’t really think that God would appreciate the singing and the dancing and the worshipping thing, if He exists. Let me explain. Why would someone who created the universe want an animal who lives on earth that is situated in the solar system which is part of a galaxy named milky way to sing praises of Him? Do you think He’ll really care? Seriously? What do we think He is, an egomaniac God who thinks so highly of Himself and condemn everyone who doesn’t worship Him? Logically speaking, that is so ridiculous. Very ridiculous.
So, yeah, God is a very illogical concept to the human mind but our failure to prove His existence ironically proves that He exist because if we are able to comprehend Him, then His godlike features is nullified. The qualification of a God for me is something that cannot be quantified, something that can’t be analyzed and something that can’t be proven with the human intellect.
No harm in having faith, right?
It is so depressing when you think about meaning of life and everything that revolves around you. The more you search for reasons and purpose, the more you see the irrationality of things. Of course there is no purpose. I know that. But I was hoping I’m wrong just so I can make up false hope that someday I will do the things I am supposed to do. It is so sad just thinking about how no one cares what you do in your life because you don’t matter. Even when I’m writing this, all that is running in my head is even though someone might read this and waste their time reading about some random loser in the internet babbling about his non-sense, they’ll forget about this after a few days. No one will remember me not because they don’t give a shit about me. They’ll forget me because that’s what people do. They forget.
And that’s just sad. It’s so sad to know that I am sad and there’s nothing I can do about it but just go through it. I wish there’s some button where I can just press it anytime I feel sad and then I’ll go to sleep and wake up only if I’m feeling happy. But it makes me sad that there’s no such button. It makes me depress that I think of impossible solutions to my problem because there is no possible solutions available to remedy it.
One thing that makes me sad is when I see a girl I really like in the move or in t.v. or in youtube and I know I won’t ever have a chance to meet her in person and even if I did, there is absolutely no chance she’ll take notice of me. I hate it that there’s nothing within my power that I can do to change that fact. I am stuck on the other side of the screen infatuating. And that makes me sad. When you look at the screen and you see a girl you like and get to know her and ask her out on a date and marry her but you know that life prevents you from doing that. Because I don’t matter enough to be given a chance to talk to that girl. And it depresses me to no end just by thinking about it.
You know what else is sad. The fact that no one will read this. And this will be just another crappy blog post that no one will ever get to read. Because no one really gives a shit about other people’s problem. Especially if they’re just some kind of creepy paranoia. And it makes me so fucking sad.