Tag Archives: crazy

Insufferable

And you see yourself tumbling down from your own thoughts, decaying slowly your state of mind as you descend to lunacy. You deprive yourself of social necessities and devote all your precious time devising a masterplan that enables you to get away with solitude. It is that insatiable thirst for isolation that drives you insane yet you try to piece together the reality you created. It is a ticking time bomb, an impeccable plan for self-destruction and desolation. It is fun. It is you.

And through the blinding darkness you search for meaning and purpose. As foolish as your desire to be lonely is your desire to change the world or at least create a dent. Two conflicting ideas fighting over your body like tug-of-war, only you are splitting in half and gradually returning to the limbo you tried to get out from.

The menacing nightmares begins to haunt you, laughing at your terrified murmurs. It is a deafening feeling created solely by you and you alone. Dissociate yourself from this world and the world dissociates from you. 

And the mind flickers its last light before finally giving in to the pitch black night.

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So bored, can’t even think of a title.

X: I am so bored.

X: Shit. I don’t have anything to do.

X: I might as well sleep all day. This is so frustrating.

X: The sun is shining so bright, but I don’t want to go outside. I am goddamn useless.

X: The bed… Its so warm…  The bed….. I will never part with you.

X: Damn. Might as well write something useful.

X: I can’t think of a effing topic.

X: I don’t even know how to pronounce rendezvous right. Im an idiot.

X: Who in the right mind would like to read about bats flying in my room. 

X: Fuck it. They don’t even know my name. I’ll write for no one but myself.

X: AHHHHHH. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!

X: I wish I live for about a trillion years.

X: I am so thirsty. And I have to pee so bad. I’ll do both at the same time.

X: I have never seen a chicken having sex. Nor cockroaches. Nor Lizards. Fuck.

X: What would I do after college? I’d probably die of starvation because I don’t know how to do anything. I am so fucked.

X: minesweeper. So I just press random button rights? WTF. Why did I die? How the hell am I supposed to know if there is a bomb there. Fucking ridiculous game.

X: What does an electric fan taste like? I have never seen someone eat an electric fan. I wonder why.

X: goddamnit. Why the hell does Tarzan cover his private parts? Where did that idea come from? His mother ape? Jesus Christ.

X: I still don’t know how to kill a mockingbird. The book wasn’t really helpful. At all. 

X: How the hell did I win the sperm race? I can’t even jog 30 seconds straight.

X: what the hell am I writing

X: I’ve lost it haven’t I?

X: I don’t even know how to end this blog post.

X: Wait I got it.

X: Stop.

Madness #2

Madness is a funny thing. You don’t know it, but you’re slowly falling into its grasp, like a moth bewildered by alamp’s light. There’s beauty in its concept: freedom, truth, uniqueness, individuality. You can be what you really are if you succumb to madness, if you let yourself drown to its tenacity. But be warned, it is a point of no return. Once you enter its forest, you are forever trapped in it, wandering aimlessly into oblivion. The things you’ll see there are unspeakable and deranged but you’ll get the hang of it. Its just a matter of time before you create your own Eden full of your own mutilated creatures.

Oh, dont be afraid child. Fear is just the beginning. Fear is the realization that there is no escape in this world and control is beyond your power. It is the seed that will blossom to the nightmares you had kept deep inside you for a very long time and knowing that its just a matter of time before its roots spread all over your corrupted body. Let it change you. Let it destroy you.

Chaos. Ah, such a disastrous word. But why? Its freedom, right? Its the state of being lawless and immune to rules. Then why are you afraid of it? Isnt it ironic that the freedom that we all so want to have is just the thing we never wanted to experience in our life? The answer is simple. We are selfish. We only want things that will benefit us personally. We only want it applied to us, because we think our judgment is better than anyone else. We want madness, chaos, and freedom only to ourselves. 

So the next time you feel that you are on the brink, that any moment you’ll fall into the rabbit hole, remember, its only as deep as you want it to be. Don’t stray too long, Alice.