Thank you for reading this blog! I enjoyed writing here. God bless you people!
I don’t really have an insomnia. This is just my subtle way of insulting the people who apparently cannot sleep for one night and goes blabbering about it on facebook because it’s cool I guess? Well, insomnia, for those of you who doesn’t know, is a sleep disorder that disables a person’s ability to sleep. Being unable to sleep for a night is not effing insomnia for the love of God people. I just think its moronic to announce to everyone that you are a nocturnal human being and you are like Batman or something. You look stupid. Believe me.
Well, I don’t really have anything interesting to say. Just can’t sleep.
Where are you?
Ive been looking forever, you know.
Are you hiding?
I really doubt it.
Do you know how much time is already wasted?
Or maybe you just don’t care.
You are not the one looking, so its basically not your problem.
Your job is just to exist.
And mine is to find you.
Which is kind of sad.
Because I don’t know how to find you.
Or I don’t know.
Maybe I won’t find you.
Because maybe you don’t exist.
I am just pretending you do.
Because being lonely sucks.
Life is kind of sad, you know.
You’d know that, if you exist.
But even if you don’t.
I wouldn’t know.
I’ll just keep searching.
And nothing else would matter.
Except finding you.
In this void.
In this time.
In this emptiness.
Death came to offer his peace
But I refuse, the fuck is this?
I would rather fade softly and quietly
Than carry the weight of my misery
Its never solemn, it seldom is
But honesty is my catharsis
Bludgering mess of a human I am
Blame me? Blame you? Blame fucking them!
Oh I know you do not understand
Who, for fucks sake, really can?
Wallowing in your shit, ain’t you?
Dont worry, none of these is true
Well, you are blind. You walk down the street and you heard a noise. It is a weird sound, to be completely honest, and a very alarming one. You are essentially shocked, like all the normal people’s reaction, and you just get the hell out of the place. But obviously, the problem is you cannot run as this may seem dangerously stupid to do for someone as blind as you. So you walk briskly but very carefully away from the source of the noise. You don’t think the sound is that dangerous but it won’t hurt to be cautious. Besides, you heard people screaming. Screaming is a sign of trouble, isn’t it?
Good logical reasoning, except one thing. You are dumb as fuck. You are as stupid as your neighbor’s dog. So instead of going away, you go towards the noise. Which is what all dumb fucks would do. But the weird thing is the closer you get to the noise, the more quiet the sound gets. Which is so not shocking, because the fool that you are has no sense of direction. You have no idea how to go towards the sound. Which is fortunate because the sound you are hearing is actually an alien invasion.
And so the aliens are actually invading the earth because why the hell not? They are superior compared to us in all aspects so what the hell could they actually gain for colonizing this pain-stakingly awkward blue ball of dust out of nowhere in the galaxy? Well, none to be honest. But for the sake of me not having an actual plot device to actually make sense, then let us fucking have an alien invasion.
And so………… (at this point, I ran out of ideas to keep this blog post going so I’ll just end it abruptly and suddenly)
Is it raining because its lonely?
Or the rain just a timely cry?
Of times worth holding on to
To the times of solemn sighs
The soft whispers of serendipity
Combing softly above your head
Forever trapped in a nostalgic entity
Of meaningless poetry and dread
And it grows under my skin
Potruding slowly into my eyes
The sound of melancholic screams
And the sight of nonchalant skies
I am very sad these past few days. I don’t know why. It’s just these random episodes of melancholic bursts and impulses that puts me in a lousy shape. You see people around you and you see through them. They are all trying to get by and you just watch them with such hatred and jealousy. Its not normal to not want to be normal but sometimes its a curse to be someone who tries to act so differently just to prove how unique you are as an individual. But its irritating to confess that I am not in the place I wanted to be and I don’t even know where I want to be. Its a maddening thing trying to figure your life out. One moment you are just tagging along the flow of the universe and the next thing you know, you are commanding your own ship. How the hell did I end up here?
The thing is, people do not really care about other people. Let us admit it. No one in the whole freaking universe cares about other people. They may look like they care, but its just a social responsibility to act curious or concerned. And that is so fucking depressing, knowing that people doesnt really seem to give a shit. They say affectionate bullshits to someone and you know and feel that they do not mean a single word. Holy mother of..
You roam around facebook and all you see is I love you, I love this, True Love, destiny, feelings. Motherfucker. That is the phoniest thing. And it is very disappointing that I cannot relate to that. Why can’t I fucking relate to love. Oh right. Because it is so phony. I can see through people posting this shit on facebook and I want to believe that they mean it but I fucking can’t. It disgusts me. People are trying to romanticize everything to the point where it blurs the line of emotions and love. If it interests you just a little bit, its supposed to be love? motherfucking God.
Believe me, I dont want to whine. I want to relate to everybody but I just cant seem to find a way. Everybody just wants to outsmart everybody. That is so fucking depressing down to the last bone of my freaking body.
Yeah. You just read through that post. Judge me.
Please visit and follow my facebook page. I will be updating everyday. Thanks!
And you see yourself tumbling down from your own thoughts, decaying slowly your state of mind as you descend to lunacy. You deprive yourself of social necessities and devote all your precious time devising a masterplan that enables you to get away with solitude. It is that insatiable thirst for isolation that drives you insane yet you try to piece together the reality you created. It is a ticking time bomb, an impeccable plan for self-destruction and desolation. It is fun. It is you.
And through the blinding darkness you search for meaning and purpose. As foolish as your desire to be lonely is your desire to change the world or at least create a dent. Two conflicting ideas fighting over your body like tug-of-war, only you are splitting in half and gradually returning to the limbo you tried to get out from.
The menacing nightmares begins to haunt you, laughing at your terrified murmurs. It is a deafening feeling created solely by you and you alone. Dissociate yourself from this world and the world dissociates from you.
And the mind flickers its last light before finally giving in to the pitch black night.
I have an “okay” relationship with God. I am not really fond of Him but I sort of believe that He exists. I have doubts, I admit, but I come to terms with it. I reasoned, if God is the almighty, all knowing, all powerful being, then someone as limited as a human being (like myself) shouldn’t be able to comprehend His existence. Why would I disprove the existence of an omnipotent being based on the five senses I have? Our evolutionary senses are unreliable when it comes to the spiritual aspect because we have the senses what we have only because we had to adapt to our nature.
Well, the bible on the other hand, for me, is either too metaphorical or unbelievably true. If you compare the scientific origin of the universe and lay it side by side with the bible’s version, the only way to make sense of the bible is to analyze it in a metaphorical way which is quite confusing. How am I supposed to know if something written in the bible is to be taken literally or not? Do I make my own interpretations?
I don’t really think that God would appreciate the singing and the dancing and the worshipping thing, if He exists. Let me explain. Why would someone who created the universe want an animal who lives on earth that is situated in the solar system which is part of a galaxy named milky way to sing praises of Him? Do you think He’ll really care? Seriously? What do we think He is, an egomaniac God who thinks so highly of Himself and condemn everyone who doesn’t worship Him? Logically speaking, that is so ridiculous. Very ridiculous.
So, yeah, God is a very illogical concept to the human mind but our failure to prove His existence ironically proves that He exist because if we are able to comprehend Him, then His godlike features is nullified. The qualification of a God for me is something that cannot be quantified, something that can’t be analyzed and something that can’t be proven with the human intellect.
No harm in having faith, right?